One thing about being pregnant and working from home, I have a lot of chances to catch up on so-called "popular culture". In the process, I have reached the inescapable conclusion that we are a bunch of accident-gawkers, the spectator traffic that blocks up the freeway on the other side for absolutely no reason except morbid curiosity.
That being said, I'll join the rest of the pundits and give my tuppence on some of the latest celebrity goings-on:
The Anna Nicole Smith hearings: As big a circus as her life, and just about as pathetic. I have such pity for that woman at this point, alive or dead. A bunch of sycophantic leeches hanging off her, profiting from her every messed-up move. Now that she's dead, even more worms come out of the woodwork. Trying to grab 15 minutes of fame guys? Seriously, get the poor woman buried, next to her damn son, and be done with it.
Virgie Arthur: You were estranged from your kid. That sucks for you, and you probably even cared about her, but it's too late. You can't fix this, you can't repair that relationship, because your daughter is dead. Forcing her to be buried near you will not change that fact. It would take a mental midget not to realize what the former Vicky Lynn's wishes were when it came to being buried, and you are doing everything in your power to deny them. Either you really are an idiot, or you do not give a good god damn about what your daughter wanted. Either way, we all now understand why you were estranged. This is your last chance to do right by her. Do it and prove you're not worthless.
Britney Spears: As the survivor of several not-so-smooth and not-so-smart periods in my own past, I have frequently said that I'm deeply grateful to be anonymous so that I could behave badly with no witnesses. The only thing worse than going through personal trauma and going off the rails would be having dozens of people following you everywhere you went, desperate to document your most desperate and pathetic moments. Absolutely guaranteed to push any borderline personality right over the edge. Too bad you didn't just retreat to Louisiana or something and hide until you got this out of your system. A stint in a good rehab facility is a good second choice. Stay there, talk this out with some good people, and get your head together. It pains us all to have to respect your ex, KFed, as the sane and stable one.
Jennifer Lopez: What's with that gown you wore to the Oscars? Empire waists are not flattering to anyone larger than a swizzle stick, especially if you have a visible butt. This is not an issue with most women in Hollywood today, aka "Eating Disorders 'R Us". However, JLo actually is fairly healthy. And in that gown, she looks 7 months pregnant.
Starlets and trends: Two major trends mark young Hollywood women today, and neither one is healthy. First they shrink to the approximate size and weight of a 12 year old boy. Then they are seen out partying all night, every night. This is usually followed by a stint in rehab. One has to wonder at this point if these trends are related. They bear a striking resemblance to the 70's and 80's, when cocaine was king. Has crack made a comeback on the red carpet? Or is there some other designer drug masquerading as a "healthy way to lose weight" which in reality is chemically related to speed or cocaine (most of them are), being passed around celebrity circles today? Let's see... lose weight fast, apparently never sleep, get increasingly belligerent and obnoxious... yep, I'm smelling drugs here.
Athletes and death wishes: To be a pro athlete, you need a high pain tolerance and some degree of addiction to adrenaline rushes. I am not unfamiliar with either one of these conditions. That's how I know that when you are not getting them from physical, natural means, you will tend to seek them out elsewhere. You take stupid risks and push limits, because you are young and strong and think you are invincible. You drink too much, do too many drugs, hang out on the fringes of gang culture, whatever your personal combination of death cocktail. All that talent and energy wasted on such stupid behavior.
Comments