Participating in the Instructor Training program gives me the strange feeling of looking at karate from the inside out. I read things, I hear things, I see things, suddenly from the other side. Instead of waiting for feedback from my instructor, I am being asked to watch, analyze, comment. Instead of responding automatically to Sensei's count and rhythm, I am learning that we count that way for a reason. I am re-learning my katas, what to look for and why. It all makes great sense to me. So much sense, I feel like I already knew a lot of it, without really realizing I knew it. Or if I didn't, I have to wonder why not.
That's the point of doing Instructor Training in the first place, I guess, and that's the reason for the minimum dan rank and age requirements. I couldn't be doing this program until recently; my technique and understanding are really just beginning to grow up. I couldn't be doing this program as a high school student, intelligent, hard-working, and a relatively good kid, but a far cry from the more-disciplined adult I became.
There are immediate benefits of a personal nature. I leave any Training session with my head full of ideas, always at least one light bulb going off that has made me think of my own technique in a new way, and eager to give it a try. That this will improve my karate on a personal level is indisputable. I also learn valuable things to try with the class that I assist in teaching, things that make me feel more confident in my abilities, things that remind me of how Sensei teaches, and make me feel that I am heading in the right tradition. Since I don't have much experience with kids and no teaching experience outside of assisting with class, this is also an indisputable good for me.
However, the point of Instructor Training is not, and never was, me. Our first day, the first thing that Sensei told us was that the point of Instructor Training is not to become a strong person -- it's to MAKE a strong person. You are learning how to best help someone else to learn and grow, and it's so much more than technique. There are so many subtleties, and everything that happens in the dojo during class has been thought out, analyzed, questioned, and refined. It doesn't happen by chance, and it all combines for the greater good. My instruction throughout my training has been touched by the invisible hands of the masters who came before.
Today we reviewed the lessons of the year, and got a few added details here and there. Along with the value of reinforcing this new knowledge, I also realized that I have in fact become part of the bigger whole. The disparate group of trainees who started the year is almost entirely intact, and early discomfort, embarrassment and intimidation have given way to an easy camaraderie. We're all in this together. We laugh with each other, not at each other. Our class has jelled into its own distinct unit, and we understand one another better now, and respect each other more also. And we like each other.
After class, Sensei treated us to lunch. We sat talking about karate, and talking about everything but karate, a wonderful hour that would have been impossible this time last year. And I think, yes, this too is necessary. Instructors are alone, we have been told. You must be cautious about how friendly you are with the students, and not let it affect the teacher/student relationship. It can be a great pressure. But now we are not alone. Now, we are 12 people who are going through this together, working together. We can sit apart from the students, but still be with friends.
Just when I think I am beginning to understand this martial art of mine, I find new dimensions to surprise, challenge, and reward me beyond measure.
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