No, I'm not dead. I've just been very very busy and very very tired.
I've learned something about myself. When I'm very busy and very tired, I don't train as much. When I don't train much, I don't write karate blog posts. Not because I don't still have tons of opionionated opinions or comments or musings. I think it's more that when I feel like I've been a slacker, I don't feel I have the right to criticize anyone else, directly or indirectly.
I'm starting to pull out of it, I made it to every training last week for the first time in a month. The husband and I had a long chat today about various things, past and present, that haven't always thrilled us. This can include instructors, fellow students, camps, testing, tournaments, etc. After all, just because I'm enthusiastic about my dojo, my region, my organization, and my chosen martial art, it doesn't mean I wear blinders or that I love every person involved or everything that transpires. That would be sort of unrealistic, yes? It's important to talk our way through the things we don't like, so we can come to resolution about them.
So what did we discuss, and how critical were we? Quite a few things, and pretty darn critical =). We discussed our dissatisfaction with a couple of people who we feel tend to rest on their laurels rather than still working hard. We discussed someone who we like a great deal personally, but seems in our observation to play favorites, which disappoints us. We discussed the results of a dan test a few years back, where we both felt that some serious inequities were handed down in terms of who passed and who didn't. We discussed the pitfalls of subjective judging in a tournament situation, and whether or not the perceived bias toward past champions really exists.
Do we really have the right to question all these matters? Of course we do! We are active, thinking participants in our karate-do. We question things we don't agree with, but we try to do it in the spirit of, "we don't understand that particular decision/action/etc." We don't approach it from bitterness, saying "they were wrong, they're on crack, they're not fair". Sometimes we do feel some bitterness, but that just means that we come back to that subject another day, and keep trying to process it out.
Although I'm working hard and learning more every day, I don't always understand the testing process for the higher ranks. I have about a 75% - 80% success rate when I try to determine who will pass and who will not. I don't always understand the criteria that some of my fellow judges use during tournaments, when someone's kata will seem clearly superior to me, yet one or more judges votes for their opponent. I don't appreciate seeing talented people not given credit for their achievements. I don't enjoy training with instructors that I feel are more combative than supportive, although I know there are as many different effective instructional styles as there are humans in karate. I don't understand why some people insist on carrying their bad day into the dojo and taking it out on everyone, or pouting their way through a class where they are uncooperative and surly. I don't understand parents who force their kids to keep doing something the kids clearly have no interest in whatsoever, and I don't understand parents who pull enthusiastic kids out of karate because "I wanted her to learn pure self-defense". Yes, these are a few of our topics of choice this day!
We talked about our own failings as well, things we need to work on, areas we feel we fall short, reasons why we've missed a lot of training and whether or not they were justified, and how we feel it impacts our training and our dojo. It's going to remain crazy busy around here for another month or so before things settle out, and unfortunately that might mean more missed classes and more lost opportunities.
But I plan to train tonight, and as long as I train regularly, you'll probably see me posting up here about things I like, don't like, or are just on my mind!
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